How to speak up when you are used to keeping the peace
How to Speak Up When You’re Used to Keeping the Peace
By Tina, The Devon Coach
There’s a particular kind of person who struggles to speak up — and funnily enough, they’re often the ones who care the most.
Nurses. Healthcare staff. Educators. People who hold families together. People who smooth the edges, calm the storms, and quietly keep everything running.
If that’s you, you’re in good company and if speaking up feels uncomfortable, you’re not alone.
🌱 Why Keeping the Peace Becomes a Habit
For many of us, keeping the peace started early. We learned to:
avoid conflict
stay agreeable
not rock the boat
keep everyone else comfortable
swallow our own needs to protect the harmony
not let that uncomfortable feeling be a part of us
It’s a beautiful skill in many ways — it makes you compassionate, thoughtful, and deeply attuned to others.
But it can also leave you voiceless when your voice matters most.
🌿 The Cost of Staying Quiet
When you don’t speak up, something subtle happens inside you:
resentment builds
confidence shrinks
your needs get buried
your boundaries blur
your wellbeing takes the hit
And over time, you start to feel invisible — even to yourself.
🌊 Speaking Up Doesn’t Mean Being Confrontational
This is the biggest myth I see in coaching.
Speaking up isn’t about being loud. It isn’t about being forceful. It isn’t about suddenly becoming the person who dominates meetings.
Speaking up is simply: expressing your truth with clarity and kindness.
🌼 Gentle Ways to Start Speaking Up
You don’t need to leap into big, scary conversations. Start small and softly,
Here are a few phrases that help:
“I see it a little differently.”
“Can I share my perspective?”
“I’m not comfortable with that. Let me explain why”
“I need a moment to think before I answer.”
“I’d like to revisit this later, it feels important and I want to give it the time it deserves to think about it .”
Steady, kind and thoughtful kind answers
🌾 Why This Matters in Healthcare
In nursing and healthcare settings, speaking up isn’t just about confidence — it’s about safety, wellbeing, and teamwork.
When you speak up:
communication improves
mistakes reduce
teams function better
you feel more empowered
your emotional load lightens
And you model something powerful for others: that your voice has value.
🌸 A Personal Note
As I walk by the sea I think about how the sea doesn’t apologise for its waves. It doesn’t shrink itself or stay quiet to keep the peace.
It moves honestly and expresses itself fully, it certainly takes up space.
And you’re allowed to do the same.
Even Boo — tiny Shih Tzu princess, professional knee warmer — has no trouble letting the world know when she wants attention, a cuddle, or a biscuit. She’s a masterclass in clear communication.
💛 A Gentle Invitation
If speaking up is something you’re working on, you don’t have to figure it out alone.
Sometimes a little guidance, a safe space to practice, or a fresh perspective can make all the difference. If you ever feel curious about exploring this more deeply, you’re always welcome to wander over to my website or reach out. No pressure — just an open door.
🌟 For This Week
Try one small moment of speaking up. One sentence. One truth. One breath of courage.
Your voice deserves to be heard — softly, steadily, and without apology.