Confidence isn’t loud its steady

🌟 Confidence Isn’t Loud — It’s Steady

By Tina, The Devon Coach

Confidence is one of those words that gets thrown around a lot, especially in healthcare, education, and leadership. We talk about “building confidence,” “being more confident,” “showing confidence,” as if it’s something you can switch on like a lamp and somewhere along the way, many people start to believe that confidence looks like being outspoken, bold, assertive, or the loudest voice in the room.

But the more I work with nurses, students, teams, and the families I meet through ceremonies, the more I realise something important: confidence isn’t loud — it’s steady.

And here’s something else I’ve come to believe deeply: confidence doesn’t come first. Courage does. You feel the courage, you take the step, you do the thing — and confidence grows afterwards, like a flower you’ve tended with patience and care.

🌱 The Myth of the Big Personality

We’ve been conditioned to think that confident people are the ones who speak first, take charge, and fill the space. But some of the most grounded, capable, quietly powerful people I’ve ever met barely raise their voice at all.

Confidence isn’t volume, its presence and clarity. It’s knowing who you are and standing gently in that truth.

Some of the strongest leaders I’ve worked with are soft‑spoken. They listen more than they talk and they think before they respond. They create calm rather than noise and people trust them because of it.

🌿 Courage First, Confidence Later

This is the part people often forget. Confidence grows because you showed up, not the other way around.

Courage is the shaky breath before you speak its the hand that still trembles a little. Courage is the quiet voice that says, “I’ll try.”

And when you act from that place — even if you feel unsure — something beautiful happens. Confidence begins to take root and slowly at first, then more steadily, until one day you realise you’re standing taller than you thought you could.

Just like a flower you’ve nurtured, confidence grows with attention, patience, and gentle repetition.

🌊 Confidence in Healthcare

In nursing and healthcare settings, confidence is often misunderstood. People assume it means being decisive, fast, unshakeable — but in reality, confidence is often quieter and more relational.

It’s the nurse who asks a question rather than guessing and the student who admits they don’t know something yet. The team member who says, “Let’s pause and think this through.” The leader who listens before they act.

These are the moments where confidence truly lives.

🌾 A Personal Note

I often watch the sea on the quieter days — the ones where it’s not crashing or roaring, but simply moving with its own rhythm. There’s a confidence in that softness, a quiet strength that doesn’t need to prove anything.

💛 A Gentle Invitation

If confidence is something you’re exploring — or something you’ve been told you “should have more of” — you don’t have to figure it out alone. Sometimes it helps to have a space where you can untangle what confidence means for you, not for everyone else. If you ever feel curious about that, you’re always welcome to wander over to my website or reach out. No pressure, just a quiet invitation.

🌟 For This Week

Notice the moments where you feel steady. Notice the moments where you feel brave. Let courage lead the way — and watch confidence grow in its own time

What I have learned from leading Ceremony about human connection

What I’ve Learned from Leading Ceremonies About Human Connection

By Tina, The Devon Coach

One of the unexpected gifts of being both a nurse and a celebrant is that I get to see people at their most honest and sometimes vulnerable. Weddings, vow renewals, baby namings, funerals, celebrations of life — these moments strip away the noise and leave us with something simple and true: connection.

And every ceremony, no matter the setting, the weather, or the people involved, teaches me something new about what it means to be human.

🌱 People Want to Be Seen

In every ceremony I lead, there’s a moment — sometimes tiny, sometimes unmistakable — where someone softens. A breath release or a face opens and you can see a truth lands.

It’s the moment they feel seen.

Not for what they do or for how strong they’ve been or the roles they carry. But for who they are.

And the more I coach nurses, students, and healthcare teams, the more I realise this is what we all crave. To be witnessed or seen to be understood and to be met with kindness rather than judgement.

🌿 Stories Are How We Make Sense of Ourselves

Ceremonies are full of stories — the funny ones, the tender ones, the messy ones, the ones that make you swallow hard. People don’t remember the perfect details but they remember the feeling of being connected through shared experience.

In coaching, it’s the same. When someone tells their story out loud, something shifts, they hear themselves differently and they may understand themselves more deeply. They find meaning in places they hadn’t noticed before.

Stories heal and anchor us, stories remind us we’re not alone.

🌊 Grief and Joy Are Closer Than We Think

Leading funerals and celebrations of life has taught me that grief and joy often sit side by side. One doesn’t cancel out the other instead they weave together, shaping us in ways we don’t always expect.

And in healthcare, we see this too — the laughter in the break room after a hard shift, the quiet pride in doing something well, the small moments of connection that carry us through the heavy days.

Human connection isn’t about choosing joy over grief. It’s about allowing both to exist.

🌸 Ritual Matters More Than We Realise

Ritual isn’t about candles or poetry (though I love both). It’s about pausing long enough to mark a moment.

A breath before a big decision or a cup of tea after a difficult conversation. A walk by the sea to clear your head maybe a hand on someone’s shoulder when words aren’t enough.

These tiny rituals help us feel grounded, held, and human.

🌾 What Ceremonies Have Taught Me About Coaching

The biggest lesson is this: People don’t need fixing. They need space.

Space to reflect and to feel. Space to speak honestly and to reconnect with themselves.

That’s what I try to create in every coaching session — the same sense of safety, presence, and gentle curiosity that I bring to ceremonies. A place where someone can breathe out and be fully themselves for a moment.

💛 A Gentle Invitation

If you’re craving more connection — with yourself, your work, or the people around you — you’re not alone. And you don’t have to navigate it by yourself. If you ever feel curious about exploring this through coaching, you’re always welcome to wander over to my website or reach out. No pressure, just an open door.

🌟 For This Week

Notice one moment of connection. A smile or a shared laugh, maybe a quiet understanding. Let it land. Let it remind you that you’re part of something bigger.

The Art of the Compassionate No

The Art of the Compassionate “No”

By Tina, The Devon Coach

There’s a particular kind of person who finds saying “no” almost impossible — and they’re usually the ones who give the most. The ones who stay late, pick up the extra shift, soothe the tension in the room, and quietly hold everything together. If that’s you, you’re not alone, and you’re certainly not failing. You’re human, and you care deeply.

But caring doesn’t mean saying yes to everything. In fact, sometimes the kindest thing you can do — for yourself and for others — is to say no.

🌱 Why “No” Feels So Uncomfortable

Most of us weren’t taught how to say no with confidence. We were taught to be helpful, agreeable, flexible, and endlessly available. Somewhere along the way, “no” became tangled up with guilt, fear of disappointing others, or the worry that we’ll be seen as difficult.

So we say yes when we’re tired, or when we’re overwhelmed, or when every part of us is quietly whispering no.

And each time we override that whisper, something inside us tightens.

🌿 The Cost of Always Saying Yes

When you say yes to everything, you slowly say no to yourself — your energy, your wellbeing, your boundaries, your rest. Over time, this can lead to resentment, exhaustion, and that hollow feeling of being stretched too thin.

And the truth is, people don’t get the best of you when you’re depleted. They get the version of you that’s running on fumes.

🌊 What a Compassionate “No” Sounds Like

A compassionate no isn’t harsh or abrupt. It’s steady, warm, and honest and honours your limits while still respecting the other person.

It might sound like:

• “I’d love to help, but I don’t have the capacity right now.”

• “I can’t take that on today, though I hope you find the support you need.”

• “That’s not something I can commit to, but thank you for thinking of me.”

• “I need to prioritise my wellbeing, so I’ll have to say no this time.”

These aren’t excuses. They’re boundaries spoken with kindness.

🌾 Why This Matters in Healthcare

In nursing and healthcare settings, the pressure to say yes is enormous. The workload is heavy, the needs are constant, and the culture often rewards self‑sacrifice. But compassionate boundaries aren’t selfish — they’re essential.

When you say no with clarity and kindness, you protect your energy, reduce burnout, and model healthy behaviour for your colleagues. You show others that it’s possible to care deeply without abandoning yourself.

🌸 A Personal Note

Walking along the seafront, I’m always struck by how the tide knows exactly when to come in and when to pull back. It doesn’t apologise or explain. It simply honours its rhythm.

A compassionate no is your tide going out — a natural, necessary part of staying balanced.

Checking in on Boo, my tiny Shih Tzu I see she has absolutely mastered this. If she’s done, she’s done and if she wants space, she takes it. If she wants a cuddle, she is on your lap or giving you that stare. There’s something to learn from that.

💛 A Gentle Invitation

If saying no feels uncomfortable or unfamiliar, you don’t have to navigate it alone. Sometimes it helps to have a safe space to explore what’s underneath the guilt, the pressure, or the habit of over‑giving. If you ever feel curious about working on this more deeply, you’re always welcome to wander over to my website or reach out. No rush, or pressure — just a quiet invitation.

🌟 For This Week

Try one compassionate no. One moment of honouring your limits that feels like a breath of honesty.

You might be surprised by how freeing it feels.

How to speak up when you are used to keeping the peace

How to Speak Up When You’re Used to Keeping the Peace

By Tina, The Devon Coach

There’s a particular kind of person who struggles to speak up — and funnily enough, they’re often the ones who care the most.

Nurses. Healthcare staff. Educators. People who hold families together. People who smooth the edges, calm the storms, and quietly keep everything running.

If that’s you, you’re in good company  and if speaking up feels uncomfortable, you’re not alone.

🌱 Why Keeping the Peace Becomes a Habit

For many of us, keeping the peace started early. We learned to:

• avoid conflict

• stay agreeable

• not rock the boat

• keep everyone else comfortable

• swallow our own needs to protect the harmony

• not let that uncomfortable feeling be a part of us

It’s a beautiful skill in many ways — it makes you compassionate, thoughtful, and deeply attuned to others.

But it can also leave you voiceless when your voice matters most.

🌿 The Cost of Staying Quiet

When you don’t speak up, something subtle happens inside you:

• resentment builds

• confidence shrinks

• your needs get buried

• your boundaries blur

• your wellbeing takes the hit

And over time, you start to feel invisible — even to yourself.

🌊 Speaking Up Doesn’t Mean Being Confrontational

This is the biggest myth I see in coaching.

Speaking up isn’t about being loud. It isn’t about being forceful. It isn’t about suddenly becoming the person who dominates meetings.

Speaking up is simply: expressing your truth with clarity and kindness.

🌼 Gentle Ways to Start Speaking Up

You don’t need to leap into big, scary conversations. Start small and softly,

Here are a few phrases that help:

• “I see it a little differently.”

• “Can I share my perspective?”

• “I’m not comfortable with that. Let me explain why”

• “I need a moment to think before I answer.”

• “I’d like to revisit this later, it feels important and I want to give it the time it deserves to think about it .”

• Steady, kind and thoughtful kind answers

🌾 Why This Matters in Healthcare

In nursing and healthcare settings, speaking up isn’t just about confidence — it’s about safety, wellbeing, and teamwork.

When you speak up:

• communication improves

• mistakes reduce

• teams function better

• you feel more empowered

• your emotional load lightens

And you model something powerful for others: that your voice has value.

🌸 A Personal Note

As I walk by the sea I think about how the sea doesn’t apologise for its waves. It doesn’t shrink itself or stay quiet to keep the peace.

It moves honestly  and expresses itself fully, it certainly takes up space.

And you’re allowed to do the same.

Even Boo — tiny Shih Tzu princess, professional knee warmer — has no trouble letting the world know when she wants attention, a cuddle, or a biscuit. She’s a masterclass in clear communication.

💛 A Gentle Invitation

If speaking up is something you’re working on, you don’t have to figure it out alone.

Sometimes a little guidance, a safe space to practice, or a fresh perspective can make all the difference. If you ever feel curious about exploring this more deeply, you’re always welcome to wander over to my website or reach out. No pressure — just an open door.

🌟 For This Week

Try one small moment of speaking up. One sentence. One truth. One breath of courage.

Your voice deserves to be heard — softly, steadily, and without apology.

How to Start the Year Without Burning Out by February

Every January, I watch the same thing happen — in healthcare, in coaching clients, in friends, and yes, sometimes in myself. We start the year with big intentions, fresh notebooks, colour‑coded plans… and by February, we’re tired, overwhelmed, and wondering why we ever thought “New Year, New Me” was a good idea.

Here’s the truth: January energy is often unrealistic energy. It’s fuelled by pressure, comparison, and the idea that we must transform overnight. its also often the middle of the winter so where is the sense in that ?

But real change — the kind that lasts — is gentler, slower, and far more human.

🌱 Why We Burn Out So Quickly

There’s a pattern I see every year:

• We set goals that require superhuman energy

• We forget that winter is a season of rest

• We compare ourselves to people online who seem to be thriving

• We try to do everything at once

• We ignore the small signs of tiredness

• We push through because “everyone else seems to manage”

And then February arrives, and we’re done.

🌿 Nature Has It Right

Living in Dawlish, I’m surrounded by reminders that nothing in nature rushes. The sea doesn’t sprint into the year. The trees don’t bloom in January. Even Boo — tiny Shih Tzu princess and professional nap advocate — knows winter is for slowing down.

If nature takes its time, why don’t we?

🌊 A Gentler Way to Begin the Year

Instead of sprinting into January, try easing in. Here are the practices I share with clients (and use myself):

1. Choose One Focus, Not Ten

Pick one area of your life or work that needs attention. Just one. When everything is a priority, nothing is.

2. Lower the Bar (Yes, Really)

Your goals don’t need to be impressive. They need to be doable. Small steps create momentum — and they’re far kinder to your nervous system.

3. Build in Rest From the Start

Don’t wait until you’re exhausted. Plan pauses, breaks, and moments of nothingness. Rest isn’t a reward — it’s part of the process.

4. Stop Comparing Your January to Someone Else’s Highlight Reel

Social media is full of people who appear to be thriving. But you’re seeing their best 1%. Your life is lived in the other 99%.

5. Listen to Your Body Before Your Calendar

If you’re tired, slow down. If you’re overwhelmed, pause. If you’re stretched thin, say no. Your body is wiser than any planner.

🌼 For Nurses and Healthcare Teams

January can be especially tough in healthcare. Winter pressures, staffing challenges, emotional load — it’s a lot.

Starting the year gently isn’t laziness. It’s leadership and its sustainability. It’s how you stay well enough to keep caring for others.

🌾 A Personal Note

This year, I’m easing in too. More sea walks and reading. More cups of tea with Boo curled on my lap. More intention and less pressure.

And I’m inviting you to do the same.

💛 A Gentle Invitation for This Week

Choose one thing to soften. One thing to slow down. One thing to let go of.

Let this be the year you begin with kindness — not intensity.

Boundaries Without Guilt: A Kindness to Yourself (and Everyone Else)

If there’s one thing I’ve learned from years in nursing, coaching, and ceremony work, it’s this: People who care deeply often struggle the most with boundaries.

We’re brilliant at showing up. Brilliant at saying yes. Brilliant at stretching ourselves just a little further… and then a bit more… until we’re running on fumes and caffeine.

And then we wonder why we feel overwhelmed, resentful, or exhausted.

🌱 Why Boundaries Feel So Hard

For many of us — especially in caring professions — boundaries feel like:

• letting someone down

• being selfish

• not being a “team player”

• causing conflict

• or making life harder for someone else

But here’s the truth I wish every nurse, student, and human could hear:

Boundaries aren’t barriers. They’re bridges to healthier relationships.

They help you stay kind without burning out. They help you stay present without disappearing into everyone else’s needs. They help you stay human.

🌿 The Guilt Problem

Guilt is sneaky. It whispers things like:

“You should be able to do more.” “They need you.” “You’re the only one who can help.” “It’s easier to just say yes.”

But guilt isn’t a sign you’re doing something wrong. It’s a sign you’re doing something new.

And new things feel uncomfortable — especially when you’ve spent years putting yourself last.

🌊 What Healthy Boundaries Actually Look Like

Boundaries don’t have to be dramatic. They don’t have to be confrontational. They don’t have to be a big speech.

They can be simple, gentle, and clear.

Here are a few examples I share with clients:

• “I can help, but not right now.”

• “I’m not able to take that on.”

• “I need a moment before we continue.”

• “I can stay until 4, but not later.”

• “I’m not available for extra shifts this week.”

Short. Kind. Honest.

🌾 Boundaries in Healthcare

In nursing and healthcare settings, boundaries can feel almost impossible. The workload is heavy. The culture is often “just keep going.” And the guilt is real.

But boundaries don’t make you less committed. They make you sustainable.

A nurse with boundaries is a nurse who lasts. A nurse who communicates clearly. A nurse who protects their wellbeing so they can keep caring for others.

🌼 A Personal Note

Living in Dawlish, I’ve learned a lot from the sea. It comes in, it goes out. It doesn’t apologise for the tide. It doesn’t explain itself. It simply honours its rhythm.

Boundaries are your rhythm. Your tide. Your way of staying whole.

And Boo — tiny Shih Tzu princess, professional knee warmer — is an excellent role model. She has no trouble letting the world know when she needs space, a nap, or a snack. No guilt or hesitation. She s very clear.

💛 A Gentle Invitation for This Week

Try one boundary. Just one.

Say no kindly and pause before you say yes. Give yourself permission to take up space.

You deserve it and the people around you will benefit from a clearer, calmer, more grounded you.

The Power of Pausing: What Social Media Doesn’t Tell You About Rest

🌱 Why Pausing Feels So Hard

In healthcare, we’re trained to keep going. In life, we’re encouraged to keep up. And on social media, we’re shown a highlight reel that makes everyone else look like they’re thriving, organised, glowing, and somehow managing to drink green smoothies at 6am.

No wonder pausing feels like a luxury.

But here’s the truth I keep coming back to — in my coaching work, in ceremonies, and in my own life:

Pausing isn’t a luxury. It’s a lifeline.

🌿 Social Media Isn’t the Enemy — But It Is Noisy

I’m not anti‑social media. I love a good dog reel, and Boo (small Shih Tzu princess, professional knee warmer) is convinced she should have her own account.

But social media is loud. It’s fast. It’s designed to keep you scrolling, not breathing.

And when you’re already stretched thin — emotionally, physically, professionally — that noise can tip you from “just about coping” into “absolutely done.”

🌊 What Pausing Actually Looks Like

Pausing doesn’t have to be dramatic. You don’t need a retreat, a spa day, or a silent monastery (though if you find one in Devon, let me know).

Pausing can be:

• putting your phone down for five minutes

• stepping outside between tasks

• taking three slow breaths before you answer an email

• choosing not to respond instantly

• letting yourself do nothing for a moment

• walking Boo and noticing the sky instead of your notifications

These tiny pauses are like little tide pools — quiet pockets where you can reset.

🌼 Why Pausing Helps Nurses (and Everyone Else)

When you pause, even briefly, you give your nervous system a chance to settle. You think more clearly. You communicate more kindly. You make better decisions. You reconnect with yourself instead of reacting to everything around you.

And honestly? You remember you’re human.

🌾 A Gentle Invitation for This Week

Try one pause a day. Just one.

Put your phone down. Step away from the noise. Let the world wait for a moment.

The sea will still be there. Your to‑do list will still be there. And you’ll meet both with a steadier breath.

Why Nurses Need a New Kind of Support in 2026

If you stand on Dawlish seafront early enough, you’ll see the same thing I do most mornings: the tide doing its steady, ancient work. Coming in, going out, reshaping the shoreline a grain at a time. It’s a reminder that nothing stays still — not the sea, not life, and certainly not nursing.

And yet, so many nurses I work with tell me they feel stuck. Stuck in overwhelm. Stuck in guilt. Stuck in the feeling that they should be coping better.

Here’s the truth I wish someone had said to me years ago:

Nursing has changed. The world has changed. And the support we offer nurses needs to change too.

The Old Model Isn’t Working

For years, the message was: “Be resilient.” “Keep going.” “Look after yourself… but also do three extra shifts.”

Resilience became code for “cope with more.”

But resilience isn’t about carrying heavier loads. It’s about having the space, support, and skills to put the load down sometimes.

🌿 What Nurses Tell Me They Need Now

After coaching hundreds of nurses, students, and healthcare teams, I hear the same themes again and again:

• Time to breathe — even five minutes without feeling guilty.

• Permission to have boundaries — and not apologise for them.

• Support that’s human, not corporate — real conversations, not tick‑box wellbeing sessions.

• A place to talk honestly — about fear, frustration, grief, and joy.

• Tools that actually help — not another laminated poster about self‑care.

And honestly? They need someone in their corner. Someone who gets it. Someone who’s been there at 3am with a full bladder, an empty stomach, and a patient who needs everything right now.

🌊 Why I Started The Devon Coach

After 25 plus years in nursing and now working as a celebrant, I’ve seen the full spectrum of human experience — the beginnings, the endings, and everything in between. It’s taught me that people don’t thrive from being told to “be strong.” Its better when we find a way to be resourceful.

They thrive when they feel supported, understood, and valued.

Coaching gives nurses something they rarely get: a space that’s just for them.

A space to reflect. A space to grow. A space to remember who they are outside the uniform.

🌼 A New Kind of Support

This year, I’ll be sharing weekly blogs with gentle, practical tools to help you:

• feel more confident

• communicate more clearly

• set boundaries without guilt

• build emotional resilience

• reconnect with your purpose

• and find small moments of calm in the chaos

Think of it as a warm cuppa with someone who gets it.

And yes — Boo the dog will probably feature from time to time. She has a lot of opinions about wellbeing, most of which involve snacks and naps.

💛 If You’re Reading This…

You deserve support that meets the reality of nursing today. Not the nursing of ten years ago. Not the nursing of textbooks. The nursing you’re living right now.

And I’m here for that. Every week. Right here by the sea.